Thursday, August 25, 2005

universal truths

1. Regardless of what you might accomplish in life, the size of your funeral is still going to be determined by the weather.

2. If two pills are required, three will come out of the bottle.When attempting to put the third pill back in the bottle, two will go in.

3. The better the radio reception, the more religious the station.

4. The barcode in the checkout line won't work on an item you are embarrassed to be buying.

5. Those who have all the answers usually don't know what the questions are.

6. Mind the real objective: why worry about low tire pressure when you are out of gas?

7. Integrity is like oxygen: the higher you go, the less there is of it.

8. A minor operation is one that is done on someone else.

9. The fancier the restaurant, the smaller the piece of pie.

10. Travel Rule: the words "magical" and "enchanting" in travel ads mean your drinks will cost four times more that they're worth plus you'll get sand fleas.

"In life you are given two ends, one to think with and the other to sit on. Your success in life depends on which end you use most. Heads you win, tails you lose."

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