Monday, February 27, 2006

Kool Aid or port

Drinking port or Kool -Aid, 2006 style

The Bush Administration greedquid pro quohypocrisy
It's something of a mystery why the Bush administration is so cavalier
about this sale - yes, the Bush family has plenty of personal financial
connections to Arab sheikdoms
And yes, members of the Bush administration have direct financial ties
<> to Dubai Ports World.
But surely they'd never put their own personal financial gain ahead of
national security. Perish the thought.

Yet George remains remarkably steadfast in his desire to outsource
American port operations to the United Arab Emirates. First he
threatened to veto
<> any attempt by
Congress to block the deal - which would be the first veto of his entire
presidency, by the way - and then the White House announced that they
wouldn't even reconsider approval. "There are questions raised in the
Congress, and what this delay allows is for those questions to be
addressed on the Hill," said
National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley. "There's nothing to reopen."

This despite the fact that by law the Committee on Foreign Investment in
the United States (CFIUS) is supposed to conduct a mandatory 45-day
review of the transaction in cases where "the acquirer is controlled by
or acting on behalf of a foreign government," and, "the acquisition
could result in control of a person engaged in interstate commerce in
the U.S. that could affect the national security of the U.S." But for
some reason, that review did not occur
- and nobody knows why.

Not only that but it was revealed late last week that the Department of
Homeland Security initially raised concerns
about the deal during the review that the administration did conduct.
(In case you were wondering, that review was conducted in secret.)

It seems that the Bushies' main argument thus far
has been to claim that if the operation of American ports is not sold to
the UAE, we will risk offending Arab nations. Funny, they didn't seem to
be quite as concerned when we were, say, shocking & aweing them into
submission, or, you know, wrapping Guantanamo Bay detainees in the
Israeli flag and forcing them to watch gay porn

3The Bush Administration hypocrisylying
The most bizarre excuse to come from Bush & Co. over the past week was
that - hey, they didn't even know about the ports deal until it was
done! As if that should make everyone feel better.

Not only was Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff unaware of the
deal, he wasn't even aware "that his agency was leading the review until
after the deal's approval," according to
<> the
Washington Times.

Treasury Secretary John Snow said he didn't know about the deal either,
despite the fact that he was supposedly head of the panel that cleared

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said
<> "I wasn't aware of this until this

And the White House claimed
that Bush didn't know about the deal until he read about it in the
newspapers. Unfortunately that claim was debunked by Scott McClellan,
who announced last week that Bush has known about the deal since
February 16
<>. (Video
courtesy of <>.)

But hey, it's nothing to worry about. After terrorizing us for years
with color-coded threat levels, dire tales of WMDs, and suggestions that
people stock up on duct tape and plastic sheeting, George W. Bush now
that "people don't need to worry about security."

See? All we have to do is trust him, and everything will be fine. After
all, the Bush administration has shown itself to be really
<> trustworthy
in <> the
past <>, right?

4The Bush Administration covering your assexcessive spin
Speaking of trusting the Bush administration, how's that liberation of
Iraq going? Back in September of 2004, we noted that a National
Intelligence Estimate
<> "spell[ed] out a
dark assessment of prospects for Iraq." (See Idiots 171
<>.) The NIE said
that the best case scenario for Iraq was that "political, economic and
security stability would remain tenuous," and the worst case scenario
was all-out civil war.

Why am I not surprised to see the worst case scenario unfolding? Reuters
reported <> last
week that:

A car bomb killed eight people and wounded 31 at a market in the holy
Shi'ite city of Kerbala, south of Baghdad.

Near Baquba, police said gunmen killed 12 members of one family in what
they said was a sectarian attack on Shi'ites.

Mortars fell on Shi'ite Sadr City in Baghdad, killing three people in
one house, a Sadr aide said. Three others were killed in north Baghdad
by a mortar apparently aimed at a Sunni mosque.

Three security men were killed in separate gun and bomb attacks on the
funeral cortege in western Baghdad of an Iraqi journalist killed as she
reported in Samarra on Wednesday.

Don't worry though, because according to the U.S. military, none of this
is actually happening. Said
coalition spokesman Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch last week, "Some drive-by
shootings against mosques have been reported ... that's where we are. So
we are not seeing civil war igniting in Iraq. We are not seeing 77, 80,
100 mosques damaged in Iraq. We are not seeing death on the streets."

Really? Reuters also reported
<> last week that, "The
largely untested Iraqi police and army will be in the front line of
Shi'ite-led government attempts to stop previously expected protest
marches on Friday over the bloodless but symbolic bombing of Samarra's
Golden Mosque and revenge attacks that officials reckon have killed more
than 130 people. Seven U.S. soldiers were killed in two attacks on

If that's "not seeing death on the streets," I'd hate to see what death
on the streets looks like. Although I have a very bad feeling that we'll
be finding out in the not too distant future.

5Fox News excessive spin
Last week George Will penned a column
explaining why conservatives are happier than liberals. He wrote:

Conservatives' pessimism is conducive to their happiness in three ways.
First, they are rarely surprised - they are right more often than not
about the course of events. Second, when they are wrong they are happy
to be so. Third, because pessimistic conservatives put not their faith
in princes - government - they accept that happiness is a function of
fending for oneself. They believe that happiness is an activity - it is
inseparable from the pursuit of happiness.

See, I have a different theory. I think that conservatives are happier
than liberals because they tune in to shit like this
<> all day long:

So there's your answer, liberals - if you want to be as cheerful as
conservatives, just toke the Fox News crack pipe 24/7.


2/24/2006 Not for childern

The White House Katrina Report: Bush Ain't To Blame:
The report on the White House's own "investigation"
into the federal "response" to Hurricane Katrina starts with a hand job
of a letter
from homeland security adviser and point person Frances Fragos Townsend
to the ever-dreamy President Bush. Townsend unzips Bush's slacks and
reaches in, ferreting around for his erect cock and, a-ha, finds it:
"You often remind us that your most solemn obligation as President is to
protect the American people." Then, pulling it free from its clothy
cover, for, indeed, a hand job is always better when there's no friction
from pants or panties, Townsend goes to work, pumpin' that butter churn
for all she's worth: "When you addressed the Nation from Jackson Square,
New Orleans, on the evening of September 15, 2005, you ordered a
comprehensive review of the Federal response to Hurricane Katrina...At
your direction, we assembled a team of experienced professionals
dedicated to this mission. In addition, we enjoyed a tremendous
partnership with each of your Cabinet Secretaries." We shall return to
this scene of ball-tickling glee.

The report basically says that the problem with the response was that
Hurricane Katrina was big, really big, oh-so-fucking big,
yes-we're-all-really-impressed-down-here big, and, apparently, the Bush
administration can only think small, unless it comes to blowing shit up,
not having shit blown up for them. In fact, if you're too stupid to
understand just how goddamn big Katrina was, there's handy graphs
compare Katrina to other natural disasters. See Figure 1.2 there? Notice
how big Katrina is next to wee little Camille, Andrew, and Ivan. It's
like the difference between getting jacked off on by three midgets and
getting fucked and fisted by John Holmes (he had large hands, too).
Don't you get it? the report says: it was a big storm.

The rest of the report is a great pile of crap you've heard before, with
major props
thrown to religious organizations for stepping in where the government
was absent. But the basic lesson of the report is this: President Bush
isn't to blame for anything. In fact, really, he was vicariously there
pulling black babies out of the polluted waters because he was being
told about it and saw shit on the TV.

It's stomach churning, like you're gonna vomit and dry heave for days,
when you go through the report, with its shiny, glossy cover, how you
realize that the reason for its existence is to solely provide a similar
cover for the President. Each chapter
says that President Bush did this, President Bush did that, no, really,
c'mon, he wasn't just off doing publicity stunts to boost his popularity
- he was totally engaged, man, totally. The other part that's telling?
The sections where the President isn't mentioned, like he's simply not
part of the story, as in most of the chapter
on the storm itself and its immediate aftermath. And as far as
everybody else has gotta shuffle shit around, but the President needs
more power, says the report, ironically titled Lessons Learned. The
lesson learned is obvious: everyone failed the President. Boo-fuckin'-hoo.

Townsend finished
<> her
handjob at her press briefing
the report. You know what it takes to get that little pecker to fire,
the last big yanks, the squeezing, and when Townsend told the reporters,
"Those of us in government must take the lead, and President Bush made
clear he is doing just that. Like all Americans, he was not satisfied
with the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and he accepted
responsibility for the shortcomings in the federal response. He demanded
that we find out the lessons, that we learn them and that we fix the
problems, that we take every action to make sure America is safer,"
well, who could postpone blowing a load at that moment?

Of course, Frances Townsend was on vacation
Maine during Katrina, so maybe all of this is news to her. But at least
the President seemed pleased
her hand job abilities.


Today's Question: Why was dear leader known as George Felcher Bush in
Skull & Bones?


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