Wednesday, March 22, 2006

[Fwd: incomprehensible shocker]

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: incomprehensible shocker
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2006 01:23:22 -0500
From: <>

The Borowitz Report <>
Prepare to be shocked <>

Winner of the First-ever National Press Club Award for Humor March 21,

Breaking News


Military Launches 'Operation Incomprehensible Program' Across Iraq

In an effort to confuse Iraqi insurgents, the Pentagon announced today
that the U.S. had begun bombarding insurgent positions with copies of
President Bush's Medicare prescription drug plan.

At a press briefing at the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald
Rumsfeld said that the idea of confusing the insurgents with the
President's Medicare plan was hatched last week, after Mr. Bush appeared
at a series of town hall meetings at which seniors in his audience
seemed thoroughly bewildered by the intricate new program.

"We realized, if this prescription drug plan is that confusing in
English, imagine how incoherent it would seem once it was translated
into Arabic," Secretary Rumsfeld said.

As soon as Pentagon planners seized upon the idea of using the
President's plan to confuse the insurgents, Operation Incomprehensible
Program was launched.

According to Secretary Rumsfeld, U.S. warplanes pounded insurgent
positions in the citiers of Tikrit and Najaf with copies of the
prescription drug plan in the early morning hours of Monday.

Mr. Rumsfeld said that satellite photos of those positions have been
encouraging thus far, showing dozens of Iraqi insurgents reading the
prescription drug plan and scratching their heads.

The Defense Secretary said he was hopeful that Operation
Incomprehensible Program would leave the Iraqi insurgents totally
baffled, but he hinted that the Pentagon had other tactics up its
sleeve: "We are fully prepared to bombard them with copies of my press

Elsewhere, one day after Seoul National University dismissed him for
falsifying results, South Korean cloning scientist Hwang Woo-suk claimed
that the other nine of him still had jobs.


Andy's next New York show is Monday, March 27. Join Andy and his guests
DC Benny, Mike Storck, and much, much more! At Mo Pitkin's House of
Satisfaction, 34 Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd. Doors open at 8; show
begins at 8:30. Tickets $6 at the door or at

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