Monday, August 17, 2009

Obama's latest promise

By Andy Borowitz

In Move to Appease Critics, Obama Promises to Extend Health Care Coverage to Morons

Appeal to Key Demographic

Facing opposition to his health care reform proposals, President Barack Obama has decided to reach out to a key demographic: morons.

Starting this week, Mr. Obama will host a series of town halls to roll out new features of his health care plan which will extend health care coverage to "all idiotic Americans," in the words of one White House source.

"We clearly underestimated the role that doofuses and dimwits were going to play in this debate," the source said.  "We want to send them the message that this plan will give them coverage - but we need to come up with a one-syllable word for ‘coverage.'"

But critics of the President's new plan worry that extending coverage to every American who is a few bricks shy of a load could triple the size of the nation's deficit.

"The sheer number of lamebrains in the U.S. is much greater than the Administration estimates," says Davis Logsdon, who studies the demography of idiots at the University of Minnesota.  "Just look at Glenn Beck's ratings."

In other news, Michael Vick said he would renounce violence and rejoin the NFL.

America begged Woodstock celebrants to keep their clothes on.

A study shows that most marriages fail because of uncontrollable time-traveling.

Apple unveiled a new iPhone app that lets you talk to people on the phone.

Steven Tyler and Aerosmith released a new single, "Walker This Way."

And former presidential candidate John Edwards said, "There are two Americas, and I have children in each of them."  More here.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The difference is

Thursday, August 13, 2009

don't get mad

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling,
        Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

        While the wife was in the kitchen , the man leaned over to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'.

        The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago ,and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bitch what her name is.

Freepers, Birthers, Morons of all stripe, You didn't get mad...

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you saw the Abu Grahib photos.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city drown.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when.. when... wait for it... when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all ok with you but helping other Americans... well fuck that. That about right? You know it is.

You people have all lost your fucking minds. You are selfish, greedy, obnoxious, narcissistic, and frankly... stupid. Your pathetic little misspelled protest signs are embarrassing. Maybe you ought to find the smart person in your midst and let them make up all the signs, cause man, you look like a bunch of idiots. Also you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Brownshirts in America

They're here and they're dangerous.
Go here:

Man in audience yells against health care.
Dan Thompson yells during a town hall meeting with Rep. John D. Dingell in Romulus, Michigan on Thursday. (Photo: AP / The Detroit Free Press)

    Washington - As they head home to their congressional districts for the August recess, lawmakers who support health care reform are bracing for protests and demonstrations that threaten to turn violent.

    In North Carolina, a congressman who backs overhauling health care had his life threatened by a caller upset that he was not holding a public forum on the proposal.

    Democratic Rep. Brad Miller received the call Monday, one of hundreds the congressman's office has fielded demanding town-hall meetings on the health care proposal, said his spokeswoman, LuAnn Canipe. She said the callers were "trying to instigate town halls so they can show up and disrupt."

    "We had one of those kind of calls that escalated to what we considered a threat" on the congressman's life, Canipe said Friday. "These are some strong-arm tactics, and we are trying to deal with and trying to talk to people in good faith about health care reform."
more here:

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Get a brain morans

Edited on Fri Aug-07-09 11:16 PM by NanceGreggs
This little diatribe may offend some. And if it does, I really don’t give a flyin’ fuck.

If you’re already offended by the foregoing, you may not want to read any further. And that’s fine with me.

The point is simple: there is the truth, and there are lies. There is information, and there is deliberate misinformation. There are facts, and there are distortions of reality.

And if you don’t know the difference between them, that’s a shame. But that doesn’t mean that the sane, intelligent, fact-seekers among us are responsible for your idiocy – its existence, its perpetration, its promotion, or its consequences.

If you are reading this on a computer, you have access to the truth. Use it. If you’re a computer dummy who doesn’t know how to search out real information, ask someone to assist you. It’s that simple – so stop being simple-minded and get with the program.

If you honestly believe that someone like Rush Limbaugh is a straight-shooter who wouldn’t lie to you, do some research into his background. Then ask yourself if a drug-addled bigot who makes his living riling up hate and discord might not have a financial agenda in roping-in gullible people like you and keeping them as part of his “audience share” – the numbers upon which his income is based.

The same goes for Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, and the rest of their ilk. These people aren’t stupid – they make their living by spewing complete and utter bullshit, knowing that people like you ARE too stupid to question it, no matter how incredibly ridiculous it is.

If you truly believe that Obama’s healthcare reform program includes talking your grandmother into being euthanized – or any of the other crap you’ve been hearing – you are an idiot, plain and simple. The facts about what is being proposed are out there, readily available. If you can’t be bothered to avail yourself of those facts, then shut the fuck up and allow those who can be bothered to inform themselves do the talking. We already have more than enough morons speaking out from a position of complete ignorance – you needn’t add to their numbers.

The facts about universal healthcare coverage in the countries that have it, along with information about how it operates and its benefits, are also available to anyone who has the mental capacity to read/listen and comprehend. If you don’t have that capacity, you have no place in the discussion.

If you sincerely accept that someone like Orly Taitz, who can’t put a sentence together without making a public fool of herself, knows what she’s talking about, you are as much of a fool as she is – maybe more so.

If you believe that Sarah Palin’s ramblings – along with her hypocrisy, her questionable ethics, her complete inability to speak coherently or advisedly on every subject from how government operates to foreign affairs – qualify her as a leader of this nation or any other, you are just plain delusional.

The greatest threat to this country right now is the stupidity of people like you. In today’s technological world, there is no excuse for not being well-informed by reliable sources – not the gibberish you swallow from alleged “news organizations” that fill your head with nonsense because you are too lazy, or just too dumb, to allow a fact into your brainless head.

We all have our opinion as to whether the interests of our nation are best served by Democrats or Republicans, progressives or conservatives, far-leftists, far-rightists, centrists – or any combination of the above.

But on the topic of who can contribute the most to the serving the best interests of all citizens, there is one truth that is, on its face, self-evident: those of you who live in self-imposed ignorance, or hold onto your stupidity as though it was something to be proud of, are completely, unequivocally, and undeniably useless.

Abject Stupidity – we may never wipe it out in our lifetime. But if people like YOU can’t be bothered to get a brain, morans, you can at least understand why the rest of us can’t be bothered to listen to a pointless word you say.

Are we elitists? You betcha! (Couldn’t resist translating that last comment into Palinese in an attempt to be understood by the intellectually impaired). We who seek out the real information behind proposed legislation and what it means are - you'll forgive me or not - bored to tears by those of you who can't conjure up the necessary energy to know what it is you're talking about BEFORE opening your big, fat, fuckin' mouths.

Debate the informed among us on the facts of an issue, and we’re all ears. We may not agree with you, but we are willing to engage in honest discussion.

But if all you are capable of is parroting the talking points spewed BY the ignorant FOR the ignorant, you will find that we who can actually THINK have better things to do than listen.

Got that? Good. It’s about time you finally got something.

It's a start.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Windows 7 promotion

The Gates Initiative
Microsoft founder Bill Gates has started a program to test the email
function in the new Windows 7 that's about to hit the market.
To participate all you have to do is copy and paste the URL below

in an email to everyone in your address book.
In return Microsoft will deposit $71 dollars in an account of your
choosing for each address mail is sent to from your outgoing mail.
My cousin, who is a noted attorney, has verified that several of her
clients have asked her to set up offshore accounts to take advantage of
this offer.
In addition, the first two million people who participate will get a
certified Barack Obama Kenyan birth certificate with the official raised
stamp of the Republic of Kenya.