Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Military Humor

It's worth remembering......
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the  field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control  tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,  "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The  aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It  makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial
flight, it is 3 o'clock .  If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If
it is a Navy aircraft, it  is 6 bells.. If it is an Army aircraft, the big
hand is on the 12 and the  little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps
aircraft, it's Wednesday  afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy  Hour."
During training exercises,  the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car  stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at
the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?"  asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming  over and handing him the
keys.  "Yours  is."
Having just moved into his new  office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting
at his desk when an airman knocked  on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the  phone, told the airman to
enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll  be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime,  thank you for
your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently  impressed the
young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing  important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your  telephone."
Officer: "Soldier, do you  have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way  to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
"Soldier, do you have change  for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No,  SIR!"
Q: How do you know if there is  a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the  difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a  fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a  jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts  down.
An Air Force Chief Master  Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just  getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some  after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put  that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been in a whorehouse!"
The  Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife
doesn't  know what the inside of a whorehouse smells  like."
"Well," snarled the tough old  Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from  the Navy, you'll just be waiting for
me to die so you can come and Piss on my  grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy,  I'm never
going to stand in line again!"


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